Caretaking 102 - The Aftermath

What should have been an easy process this morning took an hour and a half. I have been assured that the estate account is now open and a check covering the balance in his two bank accounts will be placed in that account within the week. We shall see.


Bernie just got a letter in the mail offering him guaranteed life insurance! So tempted to send offer back with a well worded reply.


Oh, I would. Just for the fun if it. grrr


I learned (from going through this with my parents) that bank staff, including managers, aren't always very knowledgeable about their own banks' policies. I was assured of things that later proved to be completely wrong.


This seems very true of the large banks. They have centralized offices, often in other parts of the country, that specialize in various forms of transactions with the local branch serving as an intermediary sending forms and information back and forth. The local branch can offer very little in the form of information and support on these transactions. To further complicate matters, some transactions, such as the ones I had to perform recently, require input/action from more than one of these specialized units. Staff in one unit may have different requirements from those of the other unit, compounding the likelihood of getting complete correct information to the bank customer and delaying/complicating the process. Cross training would appear to be the way to go but this can be difficult, especially at the branch level and frequent updates in regulations and policy can result in the branch staff being uninformed of changes that took place since their last briefing on the subject.


two words to describe the right hand not knowing where the left hand is at banks -- Wells Fargo


After my parents passed away, I had their mail sent to me so that I could pay their doctor bills, etc. and all went smoothly.

However, we are still getting mail addressed to them at my home from charities they supported. They have been deceased for over 10 years. Oh well.


mlj, my dad died in 1961, in California. The last mail addressed to him (so far) found us in New York state, in 1990. In the interim, I had used a different surname for 15 years, and moved quite a few times. How do they do this?



mtierney said:

two words to describe the right hand not knowing where the left hand is at banks -- Wells Fargo

I had the problem with Chase, but I think Joan is correct. It's symptomatic of the big banks in general.



mjc said:

mlj, my dad died in 1961, in California. The last mail addressed to him (so far) found us in New York state, in 1990. In the interim, I had used a different surname for 15 years, and moved quite a few times. How do they do this?

There are all kinds of marketing databases that track people by fuzzy guesses. I moved out of the home I shared with my first wife in 2003. I got mail for her in my next home (in Maplewood) which freaked me out, since she had never lived there. I've even gotten mail for her in my current home (in NYC) but less frequently.


Just got written confirmation that funds have finally been transferred.


I hope you have a happy birthday, Joan.


It has been a year since I last posted about Veterans' Day, a year since I was a total wreck, breaking down during the ceremony, speaking through tears as I represented Bernie in a ceremony he could no longer attend himself. So much has transpired during that year. He is now at peace. His physical suffering is over. I find myself living for the both of us, a half that must carry on as if it were a whole no longer dragging around a ghost appendage.

This year's Veterans' Day ceremony was still difficult for me. I was filled with sadness as the dreadful loss nearly one year ago was brought back to me yet again. The difference was that I was more in control, more the me I was before all this happened. I was so grateful for the many friends who came up to me yesterday and told me how much they missed Bernie. It is comforting to know that he lives on in the thoughts of so many in our community.

Caretaking 102 has come to an end, to be replaced by a new phase in my life. I don't expect it to be much easier than the last phase, at least not at first but I know it will be filled with new challenges, new opportunities, and lots to look forward to. I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to post words of support and encouragement to this thread. Many times, they kept me going when I was too tempted to pull the blankets over my head. Your advice and suggests were so helpful not just to me but to others who were unfortunate enough to be going through a similar stage in their own lives.

Thank you everyone.


I can't say I'm watching life get better for you, but I can say I've watched you get wiser and stronger in some ways. It's an inspiring journey. Of course, it would be nicer if you hadn't had those "opportunities" to grow these new wisdom and strength muscles, but that is what life brought you. I'm glad Bernie brings so many good memories to so many people. I'm sorry I never got to know him beyond just meeting him.


Update for those using this thread as a primer:   

Add this to the list of things they don't tell you when you are closing an estate.  Who knew that you need to send a copy of the death certificate to the NJ Division of Taxation?  Even though I filed a single (rather than joint) tax return for 2016 and placed just my social security number on the checks, the NJ Division of Taxation credited my deceased husband's account under his social security number rather than mine.  I learned this when I called their call center this morning asking why they had sent me a notice of under payment for my 2016 income taxes. Fortunately, they were able to identify the problem and resolve it over the phone.  I was told if I had sent a copy of his death certificate to them, this crediting error would not have occurred.  I love bureaucracy!


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